The Slings And Arrows Of Outrageous Fortune

When I made my original list of quests to start this blog, one felt almost obligatory: The Bard. Shakespeare wrote (allegedly) 14 comedies, 11 histories and 12 tragedies, with the latter being his (or her?) most famous. I decided not to overthink it and go straight to the most famous tragedy not starring Montagues and Capulets.

Let’s start with my misconceptions before reading Hamlet:

  • I thought a lot more happened. I didn’t realize the entire thing was about avenged murder (followed by avenged murder…)
  • “The play is the thing” makes NO sense, because it is always quoted out of context. (NOW I get it.)
  • The Ghost – I thought only Hamlet saw him, that it happened halfway through the play and that it happened at his house. (Also, why can his buddies see the ghost but his mom can’t?)
  • The skull – I thought this was part of the “to be or not to be” speech. Though, in full transparency, I am basing that exclusively off this scene in Billy Madison:

But hey, I read it! Specifically, I read the No Fear Shakespeare version which has opposing page translation to get you through the tricky bits. I thought I would need to rely on the modern text more, but found that, for the most part, I could stick with the original. So, what did I learn? Plenty!

First things first: bar trivia time. Here’s where you can find some of Hamlet‘s most famous verses.

“To thine own self be true” Cher nailed it. Polonius did say it; to his son Laertes, in Act 1, Scene 3.

Act 2, Scene 2

“The play is the thing / Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the King.”

  • Eureka! NOW this makes sense to me. Hamlet writes a tragic scene for a crew of passing actors and has them basically act out Claudius’ murder of Hamlet’s father in front of him. The play is the thing that will show Claudius did it!

Act 3, Scene 1

“To be or not to be” // “What Dreams may come”

  • No skull…..hmmm.
  • He’s essentially debating suicide, but realizing he doesn’t know “what dreams may come” when you are dead, it “must give us pause.” He suggests it is this fear of something even worse that make people put up with the shit storm of life.

“Get thee to a nunnery”

  • Hamlet says this to Ophelia
  • It’s a double entendre for an actual nunnery or a brothel.
  • Mainly he is arguing that men are brutes and sinners and she shouldn’t think of bearing children since they will eventually grow up to be assholes.

Act 3, Scene 2

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”

  • Queen Gertrude (Hamlet’s mom, who married uncle Claudius after King Hamlet was killed) says this about the actress in the play (remember, the thing?) because she’s being called out for remarrying so quickly.

Act 5, Scene 1

“Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a man of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.”

  • Hamlet is talking to a gravedigger and points out a skull, which turns out to be the court jester of Hamlet’s youth.
  • The skull! It’s all making sense!
  • The inspiration for the title of David Foster Wallace’s novel Infinite Jest

“Now pile your dust upon the quick and the dead”

  • Later at the same spot, when Laertes jumps into Ophelia’s grave, unable to say goodbye, Hamlet jumps in too and fights him.

Alas, ‘twould not be a true Shakespearean tragedy without just about everyone dying.

A concise list of Tragic Ends…

  • Claudius pours poison in King Hamlet’s ear while he’s sleeping.
  • Hamlet stabs Polonius while the latter is eavesdropping on Hamlet’s conversation with his mother.
  • Ophelia drowns, likely a suicide as she was mentally broken following her father’s death.
  • Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are dead…. because Hamlet switched the royal letter with one of his own hand saying to slay the bearers upon arrival in England rather than himself. The English ambassador comes with this news upon the ending death scene where…
  • EVERYONE else dies (Act 5, Scene 2)
    • Gertrude – drinks of Hamlet’s wine cup not knowing Claudius had poisoned it
    • Laertes – stabs Hamlet with the poison tipped sword but in a scuffle their weapons are switched and receives the business end of his own treachery
    • Claudius – stabbed by Hamlet as the whole plot is laid out
    • Hamlet – dies of the poisoned sword point and also takes a swig of the tainted wine (and Horatio says, “Good night, sweet prince /And flights of angels sing thee to they rest!”)

Head Librarian’s Hot Take: It’s good, but I think I’m missing why it’s one of the most influential texts in English-language history. In any case, it was very satisfying to straighten out my prior misconceptions and read those famous quotes in context. One last thing, though. Hamlet shows back up at home with nary a scratch after BEING KIDNAPPED BY PIRATES and brushes it off as if their dropping him off as they coasted past Denmark was the most natural thing in the world. What!?! It just seemed odd that so dramatic a subplot was so inconsequential to the play.

As an addendum, I’ve listed some of the major film adaptations over time. I watched the Branagh version since it is the only one to take a shot at the full play. Notes below will get updated as they are screened.

  • 1948 – Laurence Olivier
  • 1964 – Richard Burton
  • 1964 – Russian version!
  • 1969 – Nicol Williamson
  • 1990 – Mel Gibson
  • 1996 – Kenneth Branagh
    • Hamlet is frenetic, wacky, maybe suicidal, often delusional, definitely an asshole. It was a stark difference to see it played out on the screen versus reading the words. The soliloquys were long but very creatively shot. Branagh used huge background spaces paired with extensive close ups, often extreme ones to just the eyes. This is the only big time film that went word for word with the play and I must admit I fast forwarded through some of the 4 hours it took to spit it all out. The injection of Billy Crystal and Robin Williams was brilliant and generally was superbly cast. I did like the movie from a film making standpoint all around, but I don’t think I’m as sold on Hamlet as the greatest thing to ever grace the world stage. 
  • 2000 – Ethan Hawke (modern take)

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