**YOU ARE NOW ENTERING SPOILERTOWN**
Plot: Blofeld has developed a chemical that can render any food species infertile and a squadron of brainwashed, bombshell broads to deploy it and hold the world hostage to his demands.
Foiled by: Bond infiltrates Blofeld’s secret Swiss Alp lab posing as a heraldry professor and eventually blows it up with Draco’s men.
Intriguing Setting(s): Swiss Alps
Bond: George Lazenby (his only appearance)
Villain(s): Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Telly Savalas, sans scar)
Bond Girl(s):
- Contessa Teresa aka Tracy Bond – daughter of a major crime boss and, eventually, 007’s wife
- Irma Bunt – Head Matron at the “allergy clinic”
- Ruby Bartlett – As though being the only man in a clinic full of beautiful women wouldn’t lead immediately to sex.
- Blofeld’s Angels of Death – Bond hooks up with “The English Girl” roughly ten minutes after he sleeps with Ruby.
HL’s Hot Take: The first time I ever saw this movie, I thought it was the worst Bond film by far. Upon rewatching for this quest, I found there are a couple that are even worse, but I still think this movie is terrible. What is more baffling is the critical praise for the film. What am I missing?
My beefs in sum:
- Lazenby was never taken seriously. It would have been hard on anyone replacing Connery, but if you have to break the fourth wall early on – “This never happened to the other fellow.” – you’re admitting the B team is playing.
- The evil plot is overly confusing. What exactly are the girls doing? Conducting biological warfare via contaminated food supplies…so Blofeld can wear a coat of arms and get out of jail free? Why does he need supermodels again?
- Continuity is out the window. Bond and Blofeld just met face to face in the last movie. I get it, new Bond, new Blofeld, the movie was supposed to be made earlier in the franchise, yada yada. But it goes unexplained here and is downright jarring.
- Blofeld gets away after the luge fight. With a broken neck…
- M and Draco are pals now. What!?!
Head Librarian Rank: 20/24
Critical Rank: 9/24
TRIVIA SECTION!
Odds & Ends:
- Epic evil plan monologue
- Epic luge chase!
- Bond gets married, but she promptly dies in a Blofeld/Bunt drive by and the film ends with him crying over top of her.
- First mention of the Bond family motto: “The World is Not Enough”
- Supposedly Adam West (yes, seriously) was offered the Bond role but turned it down saying it should be played by a British actor. Timothy Dalton was also considered but, at 23, he felt he was too young.
6 Degrees Cameos: Telly Savalas obviously! While known mostly for Kojack, he was also in The Dirty Dozen with the likes of Donald Sutherland, Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine and Jim Brown.
Gadgets: none, unless you count a badly dubbed accent while Bond is undercover
Cars: Aston Martin DBS
Awards: Golden Globe nod for Most Promising Newcomer – proving the Globe’s inferiority to the Oscars by employing categories like these
Release Order: 6/25 (1969)